Nightmare

You said u wont let me be alone,
Then never show me a expression that let me feel i am

You ask me not to be angry easily,
Then don't angry that easily when i am just giving my concern,

You call me to express myself more,
Then why you leave me crying silently..

You ask me to understand you,
Then who going to understand me?

You ask me to let you do what you want..
I wonder since i did not~~



This is a nightmare that haunt me...
A nightmare that show how practical it will be..
When everyone around me hate me...

I am so pathetic...

女人不該讓男人太累

我找不到天堂 也摘不到月亮
對不起 讓妳失望
妳的渴望 對我是很難
太多人比我強 也承認我平凡
我已經併命追趕
妳的眼神 請別那麼冷淡
就算再付出 我也撐得住
我不怕辛苦 苦到什地步
只要妳滿足 但妳何時滿足
愛得好累 真的好苦
女人不應該讓男人太累
雖然妳是我的一切
也別讓我感覺 愛妳很可悲
愛得好累 真的好苦
從來聽不見妳一句讚美(安慰)
就算我作的都白費
至少自尊讓我保留一點
愛的好累 真的好苦
我不怕辛苦 可是 怎樣妳才滿足
愛的好累

Revolver

Gosh, after i log in back to this ID, i found out i have so much blog have not been delete..
and i was so young back then, ignorance, naive and sad..

Then i do not know why i am here making another one blog i wished it to be a silent one..
i think i get a bit more wiser through days.. what i mean is i get wiser but not smarter..
Right now, i am releasing a loud sigh of speechless to whatever that happen inside my brain..
I have no control, I have no solution, I have no grace of it.. and I do not have courage to face it..

Pathetic, after years of living.. I am still naive believing myself isn't having only that much..
year and years go by .. i told myself, i am not that sad.. i isnt that weak ..but always and always the reality will hit me .. slap me.. kicked me..to let me know..YES, you have every single sad thing that could be laid on you..and it will never leave..

Shereen told me, "You are grateful, You have more blessing received than i do.."
:) i am happy i am able to fake out what is happening toward me..
Just in case one day she read this.. I should at least explain to her that...
"i wasnt that fortunate as you see, ppl that is rich is not always happy.. You think i am happy is because thats what you think and what you see.."
I wonder if you get it, I believe you wouldnt love someone that is going to fake his sad life..
But u somehow gave me an answer i truly appreciate..
You isnt someone that could share my burden with me...
Yes, you do in some way.. but there is a major part in me that i see you unwillingness to bare it with me...
Once i realize that , i know i wont let myself cry anymore..
I will walk and go back to my shell,
Right now, eventhough my shell is my best friends for all this years, but what i thirsty for is something that could take care and share my burden with me ... but that something is not me..

Revolving circle isnt just something i thought out just like that...
I just always need to tell myself that stop being in a circle..
stop giving hope and lie to myself
stop hurting myself in the end...
stop believing things that will not happen...
and continue to just remember my destiny..
my fate..
is simply just like that...

Bare alone, Face alone..Live Alone..